what has happened to us

is he still crazy for me?

maybe not anymore. does he still love me the way he loved me 2 years and 10 months ago?

he is busy. that's what he always say. and he added that even if he does not have the time to call me or text me, it does not mean he is not thinking about me.

i can tolerate that. but... but not all the time. have i ended up being the last thing in his to do list?
i am not asking to be his priority. i know he is young, has a career, he has his family.. but please.. can he at least sometimes make it up for me?

and i really appreciated all those stuff we did together.. but still, i didn't feel i had his attention completely.

last saturday, after watching the opera, i wanted to stay with him the entire night, but he said we can't. his brother is sleeping at his place. so before he left, i thought we agreed that ill go to his place in pasig on sunday. but you know what he did? he went home to antipolo.. i was so upset.

doesn't he want to spend more time with me? he reasoned that he was just tired and wanted to relax. he'll just get bored in pasig because his tv is broken. what a good reason.. (noot)

i dont think i am just overly whining about the situation. it's just that i don't feel he wants to spend time with me anymore. so just a 5-hour 'date' is enough? and to think we have not seen each other for 6 days. and for all those 6 days, we rarely talk. either he's late for work (so we cant have a morning chat) or he is too tired in the evening and is already sleeping before i can even call him.

what happened to him? am i expecting too much from him? am i asking a lot from him?

i told him what i felt. and he thought that i don't understand him. and after some exhange of messages, here's what he told me: "you are being childish. go look for someone older and maybe they can help me to make everthing clear."

WOW.. well,, i just realized just now.. yeah..maybe i really need to look for someone.. maybe someone new..

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How was my weekend???

I am so stressed. I am conducting trainings since the beginning of the month. And it is my first time to train people. Well, our company's contract has ended and our client has decided to put their own office in Alabang. So, aside from the stress the training is giving me, I am also having a headache worrying what will happen to my career? Our company said that they will transfer us to a new department. Honestly, I am a bit excited about that. I will be in a morning shift with a non-call center job! It will be a new experience!

Tony, one of my trainee is persuading me to join them. NOT! I am tired of taking calls, of being a customer care agent and most of all, having a night shift. I want to experience Friday gimmicks, real lunch and breakfast in the mornings.

Aside from that, J and I will have the same schedule. ;)

By the way last Saturday, our client gave us free tickets to the opera. I got two tickets so I invited J to watch the opera with me. It was great.

We were both dressed up and I thought I was pretty that night. But he didn't even compliment on how I look. :(

Super Inday vs Kris

I got this from an email from Arvin. Natawa lang ako so share ko lang..

Kris: Magandang gabi mga kapamilya, sa gameshow na ito importante ang sagot sa nag-iisang katanungang Deal or no Deal. Ang ating player ngayong gabi ay walang iba kundi ang fastest-rising household services manager na si Inday!

[umentra si Inday at nagpalakpakan ang mga tao]

Kris: Ok Inday, choose a briefcase.

Inday: Kris, I would opt for case #4 please.

Kris: Briefcase # 4… si Sharmel. Inday, matanong ko lang, how did you come up with the number 4?

Inday: Oh, do you really want to know Kris?

Kris: Oo naman. I'm sure kaya ko naman maintindihan yung sasabihin mo eh.

Inday: The number 4 was acquired based on a probability distribution function that involves integrating up to an area greater than or equal to that random number which should be generated between 0 and 1 for proper distributions.

Kris: Syet. tanong tanong pa kasi eh.

Kris: Ok Inday, choose 6 briefcases to open.

Inday: I would opt for 7, 24, 12, 2, 15 and 20.

Kris: Wait lang Inday, usually isa isa lang ang pagbubukas natin ng case…

Inday: Why is that? As if I can change the outcome if we're to open a case each time I blurt out a number as opposed to opening each case immediately one after the other right?

Kris: Hayyy…babaguhin pa talaga mechanics (bulong sa sarili).

Kris: Anwyay, di bale na lang nga… tuloy tayo. Number 7. Natalie buksan na!!

[Yung audience sumisigaw ng LOWER!! LOWER!!!]

Kris: Teka lang, bago natin buksan… Inday, usually ang mga contestants naten ay sumisigaw ng "LOWER" every time magbubukas ng case.

Inday: Kris, I guess that's not the way I was taught in grade school. You see, I was taught that we should only use the comparative form of the word or add "ER" to the adjective if we are comparing two things. And since it is only the first briefcase that we are going to open, we have nothing to compare it to. Am I right?

[natahimik ang audience at napaisip]

Kris: Oo nga no!

Kris: Sige Natalie, Buksan mo na.

[Ang laman ng briefcase 7 ay Piso… Palakpakan ang mga tao]

Kris: Good start! Ano yung next case mo ulit?

Inday: Case number 24 please.

Kris: Chloe… buksan na…

[Audience sumisigaw ulit ng LOWER!! LOWER!!]

Kris: Wait lang guys, Inday may nabuksan ng case baket di ka pa rin sumisigaw ng "Lower"?

Inday: Oh my goodness Kris, how long have you been doing this? Have you ever encountered a value that is lower than a peso in this game? Tell me, is there any value left lower than the one we just opened? Sheesh.

[Napaisip ulit ang audience at natahimik]

Kris: Aarrgghh!!!! Chloe buksan na lang nga, pati na rin yung 12, 2, 15 and 20 buksan na rin para matapos na. [naiirita na]

[At sunod sunod na ngang nabukas ang mga case ni Inday]

[nag-ring ang phone]

Inday: Ahh Kris, to save more time can you tell Banker that I'm not interested in his first offer. In the history of this game of chance, I have yet to see someone accept a first offer from the banker. It's quite pathetic and pretentious for contestants to pause and look around the audience as if asking for advice before ultimately rejecting the first offer. I mean come on, isn't that a waste of airtime?

Banker: Potahhh!!! [narinig sa set kahit sarado ang kwarto ni banker]

- Ito ang unang pagkakataon na marinig ng mga audience ang boses ni banker sa Deal or no Deal.

… dumating na sa kalagitnaan ng show at mukhang minamalas na si Inday…

Kris: Ok Inday, mukhang kelangan na natin ng tulong sa mga friends mo… sino ba yung bigotilyong lalaki na naka-polo? Ano name nya?

Inday: Ahh, that's my master Mr. Montemayor.

Kris: Ahhh sya pala yun, how cute naman pala eh. Sige sir, give us a number.

Mr. Montemayor: Hi Kris, good evening. I'm a fan. I choose number 22 please.

Kris: Ano Inday ok ba yung number 22?

Inday: Whatever, we shouldn't bite the hand that feeds us anyway. Go ahead.

Kris: [taray naman] Sofie, buksan na!

[ang laman ng briefcase 22 ay 5,000]

Kris: Good job! Sino naman yung gwapong lalake na naka jumper na katabi ni Mr. Montemayor? What's his name?

Inday: Ahh, that's my on again off again boyfriend, Dodong the gardener.

Kris: Ooohh, sya pala yun. Ok Dodong, give us a number!

Dodong: Hi babes, I choose briefcase 9 if it's ok with you. If not, it's ok with me as long as it's ok with you.

Kris: Ano raw? Inday, number 9 daw ok say0?

Inday: Yes Kris, it's fine with me.

Kris: Wow ang bait pag kay Dodong. Ederlyn… buksan na!!

…nanlaki ang mga mata ni Inday at hindi sya makapaniwala. Natahimik at mukhang kakapusin sya ng hininga…

Inday: YOU!!! How dare you invade my moment!

[nagulat si Kris at ang mga audience sa reaksyon ni Inday. Nagpatawag si Kris ng commercial break at nagpakuha ng tubig para kay Inday.]

Nagkatitigan sina Inday at Ederlyn. Nakangisi si Ederlyn habang hawak ang briefcase ni Inday.

Ederlyn: Pinapangako ko, Inday… pagbukas luluhod ang mga tala! hahahahaha!

Inday: What? Can you speak up? What are you mumbling up there. Can somebody give her a microphone please?

Kris: Ano ba!! Tama na nga ang drama ninyo, Ederlyn buksan mo na ang case at umexit ka na kung ayaw mong mapalitan! (naiirita na si Kris)

Dali-daling binuksan ni Ederlyn ang briefcase at ang laman ay… P3,000,000.

Nanghinayang ang mga audience… Ang mga natirang values ay 250, 1K, 20K, 50K, and 500K.

Inday: NooOoo…. (sabay tingin kay Dodong at napapaluha), how could you…

Dodong: I'm so sorry Inday, please forgive me.

Kris: Hayyy, drama again. Ang offer ni banker sa pagbabalik ng Kapamilya, Deal.. or No Deal!

[pagtapos ng commercial break… mukhang composed na ulit si Inday]

Kris: Inday, are you okay? Ang offer ni banker ay 99 thousand pesos. 'Sing rami siguro ng pilipinong pinadugo mo na ilong. Is it a Deal or No Deal?

Tahimik lang si Inday tilang may kinocompute sa ulo habang ang mga audience ay nagsisigawan ng "No Deal", ang iba naman ay "Deal".

Kris: Wait lang, kung mapapansin ninyo we have only have 5 cases left, and among those 5, apat doon ay mas maliit na value…

Inday: Kris, do you mind? Can I do my own thinking?

Natameme si Kris, pati ang audience ay natahimik.

Kris: Taray to the max! (pabulong sa sarili)

Inday: Ok, I'm ready. Upon looking at the reality of the situation, 80% of the cases left have at least 49K less than the banker's offer. The only way I can do better than what is offered is that if my case contains the 500k or I'd get to open one of the four lower values. But I have to keep in mind that there's only 20% probability that this would happen. I have to take note, however, that the banker's offer is roughly around 15% lower than the offer I expected based on the arithmetic mean of the values left.

Kris: Lorddd… panaginip ba 'to? Ayokonaaa….

Inday: Accepting a deal for less than the mean should generally be regarded as a weak decision so I would say, NO DEAL!

Limang briefcase na lang ang natitira at kasama na doon ang case ni Inday…

Kris: My God, nakaka-stress itong episode na ito ha. Baka dumugo na rin ang ilong ko sa'yo Inday. Sige Inday, go ahead and choose 1 briefcase!

Inday: Ok Kris, I choose briefcase #5 please?

Kris: Briefcase #5! Mimi bago mo buksan yan I would first like to thank Figliarina by Schubizz for my sandals, Bambi Fuentes for my hair and make-up and Pepsi Herrera for my gown tonight.

Kris: Ok Mimi, buk…

Inday: Ahh Kris, can I also take time to thank a few people? I mean, I did save us a few minutes of airtime right?

Kris: ("kapal naman talaga ng mukha"…bulong sa sarili) Sige, ok lang go ahead. ( naka-smile pa rin)

Inday: Thanks! Yes, I would like to thank Frank Provost for my hair and make-up, Jimmy Choo for my sandals and my dear friend Oscar dela Renta for my gown tonight.

BLAG!! Tinumba ni Kris ang podium at nagwalk-out. Hindi na natapos ang show kaya't binigyan na lang ni Banker si Inday ng kalahating milyon para sa kanyang oras.

Inday: Oh, and thanks to the people of Cartier for sending me these nice earrings for tonight!

[Ito ang isa sa mga un-aired episode ng Kapamilya, Deal or No Deal]

Building Homes in Heaven

I was still tired from my Batad trip and had to file for an SL when I received a message that my lolo in Pampanga died.

I felt so sad and called my boyfriend. I cried. Im going to miss him.

I remember sem breaks spent at his house - a very provincial place. Everytime I go there, I feel at home. The simplicity of the place, the silence, the people (almost all neighbors are kamag-anaks) Everything.. our small talks about his political views (even if he loves erap..haha).

He is a hero, HUK vet, a father, a friend, a selfless neighbor, and a carpenter.

He built the house in pampanga. He designed it too. But it is unfinished and he is gone. My uncle, a priest who talked during the mass told us that a house will be built for him in heaven. He will also build a house for each of us once we go there.

I was crying while my uncle was giving his homily. And even cried more when I saw my mom cried.

But at the same time, I am happy that he is in heaven with my grandma. I know he loves her so much.. I hope they are happy in their own place in heaven

I nearly died in Batad!

nah...almost! It was such a foolish idea for me and my roomie to have an expedition to Batad. I don't know what we were thinking!

Saturday 9pm, we went to Autobus station in Sampaloc (the bus departs at around 10pm) and we headed to Banawe. We slept in the bus and woke up with the mountains welcoming us.

Arriving in Banawe at 8am, we had breakfast at People's Lodge and had a nice glimpse of the Banawe terraces.

At 10, we proceeded to Batad Junction. On the way to Batad Juction, we passed along a cute souveinir shop where 2 girls were pounding (bayo) rice.

After an hour, we were at Batad Junction and negotiated with a tour guide. Bad idea. We paid 700 pesos for the ride to the saddle and for the guide going to Batad Village and Tappiah Falls. We could have paid a porter for 100 that could carry my bag and at the same time guide us to the village! Si Manong Joe talaga! And to think he only paid 50 pesos to his nephew who accompanied us to a 2-hour trek to Tappiah Falls! ARghr! Bad move.

Anyway, it was really a tiring 6-hour walk (Batad Junction-Batad Village-Tappiah Falls-Batad Village). I was already crawling just to climb the trails leading to the falls and almost gave up when some part of the trail looks like death to me.

The falls..hmm...not so majestic, but it was really fun walking in Batad's stone walled terraces. Beautiful!

I also enjoyed the house (ba-leh). It's an Igorot native house with cute wooden sculptures. And we only paid 200 pesos each for the night. I would definitely recommend Mang Ramon's Place. Although it is another 10 minute walk going down and my blisters are really really sore.


In the morning, we borrowed Mang Ramon's Igorot costume and made crazy poses. We'll send our pics to Mang Ramon! haha

We have to leave early, (I wanted to stay longer in Batad after knowing that Mang Ramon does tour guiding and story telling infront of the bonfire about the legends of Batad) to catch the jeepney that will take us back to 'civilization' - Banawe, I mean.

Lucky us! We were able to talked a guy into letting us leave our bags at his place while we spend the rest of the day touring Banawe. We went to Otley Beyer's Museum and learned a lot of stuff about their culture.

We were so tired and hungry. And I love the food I ordered in one of the restaus, just in front Las Vegas. hehe

Anyway, it's going to be another 8 hour drive back to Manila. And I am happy to be back here! hehe

Loving for a Reason

Until now I cannot think why I love him.

I was looking at old photographs and I thought.. he's not cute, he's not even close to being handsome. And recently, he's been gaining weight - - a lot. But why do I love looking at his face?Why do I think he's beautiful? Is it because he's beautiful inside... but he's not. He has flaws.. like me, like every human being. But I love him.

So is it really true that true love is finding that imperfect person but yet we still say he's perfect?