"mas matagal ko na silang kilala"

until now, im hurt everytime i remember these words. Two years ago, he invited me to come with him for a drinking session with his friends. It was his friend's cousin's birthday. Before that, we planned to watch a movie together and he said we'll just pass by and stay for just 2 or 3 hours. I said it's fine with me. Then 12 midnight.. he said if we could stay until 2 am. I said it's ok. And guess what it's 3 am already and we were still there!

i am easily bored and i am really not into drinking parties. and besides it is his friend's cousin's celebration. and i felt like am someone who got invited by someone who was also invited. His friends were ok. I talked with them, drank some beer and got to know them a little. But, it was already 3 am! I hope you understand how i felt that time. I was already impatient and my face is showing it. I asked my bf if we could go home. He said, if they can still stay longer because he will be driving some of his friends home. What? really, it's ok that he offers a ride home for his friends, but.. oh well..

this weekend, his friend's dad passed away. He wanted me to come with him saturday night to the wake. I said, sure. There was no problem with that. I suggested that we can stay there for 2 or 3 hours then we can go to my friend's party in Metrowalk. He said, it would be impossible because he is planning to stay there til morning. He will be driving his friend's home. His friends can commute. Why does he always have to offer a ride home?

It's really ok, but i just hope that he is also thinking about us. I know his friends can do good without a lift home from him. They could commute or whatever. They're adults! It's a bit selfish of me, but he is just always too 'available' for his friends.

i know that guys are loyal to their friends. but im loyal too with my friends. OA na kasi ung sa kanya. He said I am selfish that I always think of what I want. But no, I think of things I thought that would help this relationship to grow and learn. I want him to balance things. I never stop him to go out with his friends and i would sometimes come with him when he wants me to meet his friends.. i really don't find anything wrong with that. But of course, i also want to have a 'me' time and 'us' time like i want him to have his own 'me' time.

If i was selfish I would have said no to his invitation. But, really it was fine with me to come along with him to the wake. but i also wanted to go to the party. and i know if he really wanted to come with me, it is possible. He went to the wake thursday, then he is planning to go back on saturday night, then sunday, he also wants to be there during the cremation. And he wants me to come along! It's ok na makiramay, pero ano naman ang gagawin ko doon. I barely know his friend and his dad! (but i feel bad having said that)

Fine, he knew his friends longer than he knew me. Having said that, I told him to just stick with his friends and leave me. I know he felt sorry after saying it and he was teary-eyed when i wanted to break up with him. but still, l feel a little pinch in my heart when those words echoes again, until now specially if he wanted to spend time with his friends instead with me. But as i've said, i never prevented him to go out with them.

You see, it's only once in a week that we see each other. and i always want to have a quality time with him. Sometimes, we would go out with his friends that is also a couple. We had fun, we ate then watched a movie. Then went home. On the coming week, there was a typhoon so we weren't able to spend time together. On the third week, it was father's day so we celebrated the day with his family. And on the next coming week, he wanted to go out again with his friends.. I really felt upset. It's like he doesn't want to spend time with me alone together. It's always with his friends.. I told him how I felt and he understood. So he offered to accompany me to my lola's place in the coming weekend then we spent the entire weekend together.

He is a nice guy, I swear. If he wasn't then we wouldn't be together for more than 2 years. Sometimes, there are flaws in every relationship. And this is one little flaw that I discovered and learning to deal with. That's why, you always have to communicate what you feel. It's really important. We fight, we argue and everytime we have a serious fight, he would always hold my hand while we explain our sides. Sometimes, things dont' change in a nick of time or exactly how we want it to be. But love is patience and love is accepting each other's falut. I knew him that way, and I decided I can live with it because I love him, and I know he loves me (despite of my flaws, too).